But How Do You Say X?

Well, I’m back!! I know I’ve been kinda MIA (missing in action, not Mia like the name, bc I haven’t had a sex change FYI) for the last two weeks, but I’M BACK NOW!

everybody calm down — Calm. Down. — I’m back, life is good again, the world will keep turning, they’ll keep producing chocolate, the planet’s saved.

Thank you.

 

How have you all been? Well? tired? I’m certainly very tired: school started back last Wednesday, and the first week-and-an-insignificant-bit has left me exhausted, and yet some how revitalised.

But tired.

Been up to much? Busy? Bored? Pondering the meaning of life?

 

Last year, I wrote a post about the new-at-the-time iOS 10 update; you can find it <a href=”https://lifeofblind.wordpress.com/2016/09/16/on-that-iphone-update/”>here</a&gt;. By my standards, it did really well — 43 likes, I’ll have you know. So, after a great deal of thought (i.e having nothing else to talk about), I bring you …

 

L’s Take On The New iPhone

Unless you’ve been living under a rock …

Wait, one sec: I hate that expression. Who has eaten so little that they could fit under a feckin’ rock? Let me edit the expression.

Unless you’ve been living under a roof (does it work as well?), you’ll know that this week, Apple (big American company, big moneys) announced a new slab of glass, which they call the iPhone X. This in itself leads many of us to the most obvious question: how do you say “X”?

Is it “X” like “MY BLOODY EX BROKE UP WITH ME I HATE HIM/HER I HATE HIM/HER I HATE HIM/HER!!!”

“X” like “Love you babes — awww XXX” (see The only Way Is Essex”

Or is it “X” like “Yo, out-of-date maths is fun!”

Apple are claiming it’s the latter, which leads me to believe that I’ve been saying “iPhone” wrong all my life. I’ve said it “eye-Phone”, when clearly it’s meant to have been called the “one-Phone”. My error.

 

It’s now got glass not only on the front, but on the back too — hurrah! I’ve always wanted my iPhone to slip from my hands, freefall to the ground and break not just one side, but the other too!! Thanks, Apple…

Apparently, it’s so they can introduce wireless charging. Wireless charging is the ability to just put your phone down on a desk — oh, but not there, only on the charging mat — and have it charge — wirelessly.

It’s like magic, and so much easier than, um, plugging a cable in. Apple has the power to solve America’s obesity crisis, by making plugging in an iPhone a more strenuous activity. But no … let’s make it even more lazy!

 

Now, as well as adding more breakable materials, Apple took something away from their iPhone X … the home button. Wow, Apple, that’s incredible news! Clearly they’re running out of things that they can do to improve the device, so they must have just thought: “If we take things away, maybe it’ll look new, fancy, and justify the THOUSAND POUND PRICE TAG”.

Like the iPhone isn’t complicated enough, right? The only thing that keeps me sane when using my iPhone is the knowledge that by hitting the big round button, I will be returned to a screen that looks vaguely familiar.

But no more … Those days are over.

 

Face ID — the new way to unlock your phone. Because, obviously, using your fingerprint was far too difficult for iPhone users; let’s use your face instead!

I can’t get over the amazing fail at the launch, when the man showing of the glass thingy looked at his phone, in order to easily unlock it, and … uh … it didn’t unlock. AWKWARD!

I’ve always been a big veliever in the upcoming robot rebellion, and I can see its beginnings in Face ID. One day, it’ll all work fine. Next day, 7am, you’ll roll out of bed and try to unlock your phone:

“No, you’ve got bedhead, you ugly shite.”

Don’t say I didn’t warn you …

 

Finally, I have one last thing to mention.

STILL NO HEADPHONE JACK.

 

I hope you enjoyed this post: what do you think of the new iPhone X?

 

L XX (or 10 10?)

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23 thoughts on “But How Do You Say X?

  1. Haha, I love this review so much. I am not a huge apple fan (I’m more of an Andriod kinda guy), but the 1phone10 was interesting to say the least. It seems like a lot of its features a gimmicky rather than actually important or will impact/make a difference in how I use my phone. I can easily get by without a head phone jack, I’d just get USB-C ear buds, but to see this feature go in the IPhone 7 was just trying to move a-head too quickly. I think maybe that’s why apple have started to slow down and kind of accept where the consumers are upto as far as advancement with tech. They can bring the future too us, but for the most part, I don’t think we actually want or desire that.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Your analysis in a comment is far better than my entire post πŸ˜‚
      Very true: I’d still prefer to have a normal headphone jack though. The lightning-3.5 adapter is all very well, but one more thing to forget… and as lightning isn’t universal, you can’t even leave the adapter permanently on your earphones 😦
      Glad you liked the post πŸ˜€

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Fair point, and it will take a little while for the market to adjust to it, but at the same time it’s interesting to think about how the tech world can develope further, and how quickly that will be. I think that, for the most part, our generation has become too comfortable with the current technologies that new or refined features are hard to accept or adjust to. Anyways, I think I’m just repeating myself, so I might stop here.
        Liked your post? Dude, this was quality content. Be glad if I ever wrote something like that, haha.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Change is good, I agree. I do wonder though if sometimes, tech companies make changes not for good, but to create a “justifiable reason” to upgrade.
        Quality? More like … um … crap πŸ˜‚

        Liked by 1 person

      3. That’s true, there is the view-point that they change the way things work to make it different from other devices, and so consumers will have a reason to buy it, however I don’t think that’s the main focus for the makers of the phones/devices. The truth is that USB-C is the future port, it charges faster and can hold more power meaning it shares data faster. Check out this article for data / examples in where that is the case. It does mean that it is different from their other phones, but if it was just a bad upgrade, what’s to keep people interested in the company or device in the long run?

        http://www.trustedreviews.com/opinion/usb-type-c-everything-you-need-to-know-2932202

        Liked by 1 person

      4. I think Apple would be silly to stick to a non-universal charging port for much longer. It’s not the best one out there β€” far from it β€”, and both Apple and consumers know it.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I enjoyed this post Very much. I don’t really understand what’s Apple on about.
    Like why the hell from 8 to 10? What’s that all about? Now I think this is the time to say 7 8 9. Get it? Why is 6 afraid of 7, because 7 ATE 9. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
    Also it’s front AND back glass, meaning you can break both sides now.

    Good going Apple. Gooooood going.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. This post was da bawmb!!! 😊😊 I personally don’t really like the new iPhone x, why is the screen over the whole phone? Like whuut?
    I haven’t seen your last post but I’ll sure read it!!!
    And ew yeah, I hate the letter x most of the times
    Again, great post!!!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

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