Vanishing Words

Do you ever start to write a post, but never finish it? Because I do…

Often, I write posts in school, writing sentences or expandable bullet points on my phone in those small, silent moments amidst the chaos. Sometimes, like now, I write in form — like our registration period —, as it’s half-an-hour long, and I’m not overly friendly with anyone in particular in my form. By break, however, when I reread this over (in about two hours time), I will undoubtedly delete this post-start, because I’ll think it’s dull, and you won’t want to read a post from me, talking about posting on my blog in a post on my blog. It’s boring, it’s stupid, and it’s me; it’s bloody depressing, really.

I always promised myself that I’d write posts about whatever, whenever — this is my blog, after all, and it’s about me and how I feel. But somewhere, in the back of my mind, there is one thing niggling away: what if they don’t like it. What if it’s boring, or stupid, or doesn’t make sense? What if it’s not interesting, or if they simply don’t want to know? In my heart, I know that you will read this: you have always been the most supportive group of people I”ve ever, ever come across, and I will never be able to repay you for that. But all the same, I’m somewhat scared that one day, one thing I post will just make you all go: `uh, no… bye-bye, L — that was shit”‘. And, if you do, I’d be lost. I’d be so lost without you, and without my blog.

Whenever I read articles like `10 Ways to Run a Good Blog”‘, I always see something about keeping to one topic, or one mood. My blog doesn’t really follow that rule — you might have noticed, I don’t know. There’s a reason for that, though: this blog is me. This isn’t fake, or forced-smiles — it’s every single little part of me, rolled together into one confused collection of words and sentences, merging together to form a person — me. When I’m sad, I don’t start writing a comedy post, because it’s not real, and it’s not how I’m feeling. Equally, I don’t just store up sad posts for when I’m busy (and happy), or need an ego-boost; they go up as and when I feel that way, because that’s real, and that’s me.

I hope you don’t mind me writing: it’s not like it’s been a long time — not at all. But, whenever I write, you read and respond, and I’m grateful for that. And I love you.

L XX

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23 thoughts on “Vanishing Words

  1. Nawww I get this too. I really find it really difficult to post about whatever I want without me thinking that everyone else will be like, “ahhhh, she’s just being dramatic” etc. But then again, I dont think that we should be working about that, and it’s perfectly okay to write about when you’re feeling shit or when you’re feeling really happy.
    -Lu

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You are very, very right: write for you, and people tend to prefer it. After all, people are following YOU for your posts, and if they like one in every two posts — heck, that’s a success! X

      Liked by 1 person

    1. But being serious, I get this too. Every single time. It is so hard to post something because of fear, but just know that you are amazing at what you do! And you shouldn’t doubt yourself. I have learnt that often the posts that I think about the least when writing have been my best. Creativity is something natural, and sometimes it is not perfect, that’s what makes it individual 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. ⠠⠺⠑⠄⠇⠇ always love what you write, simply because it’s YOU, and your writing style is so great. I think that the “10 ways to write a great blog” aren’t actually great, because everyone likes different things and we love to read your writing.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. My blog is the same! It has posts about everything pretty much; as I’ve said in my posts, I want my blog to be honest and I don’t want to fake anything. It’s a bit personal but I don’t care! I write for me, not for everyone else, though the comments I get are nice sometimes! i have the same thing where i write something then i completely delete it and i really need to try and get over that because, often, i regret deleting it or crossing it out the very next day!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. i knowwww but i always feel bad for my poor writing babies who will never see the light of day. that’s why i never delete anything 😁

        Liked by 1 person

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