How Many second Chances Are There?

I’d just like to start this post with a quick note: Lauren aquiline’s album, Isn’t It Strange, which was released last Friday is AMAZING! Her voice is just one part to the picture; her relatable song lyrics and brilliant instruments are such key parts of the music too. If you haven’t checked Lauren out on YouTube yet, I suggest you do so
here

Now, back to my main post…

One of my primary flaws is forgiveness. Most people see forgiveness as a positive: the ability to see past people’s ‘mistakes’, and giving them second chances. After all, we all make mistakes, and accidentally stray from the track sometimes, and how would you like it if you had done just that? I believe in second chances, although this hasn’t always been true. Rewind two years, and you’ll find self-important L, sitting in his room, refusing to pick up the phone to someone who had done one slight thing wrong several minutes before. Yeah, I was a bitch.

These days, it takes a lot more for me not to forgive someone; I know how it feels to be pushed out into the cold for doing just one thing wrong, for making just one small mistake. On the whole, I’ve never regretted giving people second chances, because what they did was genuinely a mistake, and they had no intention of hurting me.
Other times, forgiveness is not such a good idea.

Why am I stuck in this vicious cycle? There is one person who did one thing wrong, and although that thing was pretty significant [fine, very significant], I somewhat forgave them some months later. I needed the time and space to think about what they’d done, and frankly, I didn’t want them around for that. Our friendship was nothing like what it had been, but I like to think we were on amicable terms, which was sufficient for me.
Just a few months later, however, something else happens. Luckily, I have a small group of amazing friends who always tell me if there’s stuff going on involving me behind my back, and again they told me this. The instigator? Yup, you guessed it – that same person.
Do I forgive him?
Yes, of course I do; haven’t you figured out how gullible I am?
… And then it happens again.

How many second chances can you give? How many times does someone have to do you wrong before you begin to question whether it’s genuinely a mistake or not? How many times does someone have to betray my trust before I can find the strength to let go?

Second chances, after all, are supposed to be special, to mean something. Maybe this person is taking them for granted – I wouldn’t doubt it. They clearly know – or rather, think they know – that whatever they do to me, however many scars they leave, I’ll let them back in, because I’m too forgiving.
I need to stop.

what would you do?

L XX

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33 thoughts on “How Many second Chances Are There?

  1. I am in the same situation with my Mum, she and my Dda got divorced six years ago because she cheated on him and left us for another man. For the past six years she’s put herself first and my brother and I second. She had countlessly done things that have hurt us, yet I fogive her and she does the same things AGAIN. I’m at the point now where I know it’s bringing me down so badly and WHY should I put up with it anymore? If you know someone is going to do it again- there is honestly no point. As difficult as it will be to remove them or not associate with them, it will feel like a huge weight is lifted off your shoulders. As the saying goes “give someone a second chance but not a third- the first is a mistake, the second is a choice”. You need to think about your happiness L, and if you know it’s going to annoy you or make you sad again, you need to let them go. I’m one to talk as I’ve forgiven my mum like 72 times but I’m detremined not to make it 73. I hope this has helped- such a long comment but I undertsan​​d where you are coming from SO MUCH!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Long comments are the best! Your situation sounds so complicated, because it’s a family member. You’re so right about what you said though: thank you so much for the advice, and if you ever need someone to talk to about all this, I’m right here πŸ™‚ X

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Perhaps I shouldn’t comment on this because you know my exact, and very furious, on this. But what I’ll say is: if this is taking a horrible toll on you, and you feel yourself losing trust in everyone else too, it’s time to take that step and tell him that you CAN’t give him another second chance.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. My sister went through a similar situation a year ago. After being hurt so many times (and this was her best friend, too), she ended the friendship. My sister was very willing to work things out, but her friend did not see that she was doing anything wrong. I think that is key – if they care enough about you and you can see that they are making an effort to work on themselves and your friendship, then it may be a salvageable friendship. If they show no interest, keep hurting you and making the same mistakes, or don’t see that they have done wrong, it’s time to find a better friend. You are worth so much more than a friend who disrespects you!!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. In my opinion if it gets to the extent where they begin to take you for granted, then that’s the time where you draw a line and cut them out of your life permanently

    Liked by 1 person

      1. It’s a matter of making the associations. If you hold onto the satisfaction they used to give you, then you’ll associate them with that. However if you begin to start associating the thought of them with pain, then you’ll easily stay away from them.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. I would get tired, after a point. If this person just takes you for granted, thinking you’d forgive them all the damn time, they’re wrong. You’re only human and you can only handle so much. Better than hurting yourself, you NEED to let go. From what I’ve read so far (if this IS the same person you’ve been writing about), they don’t deserve anymore chances.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. My best friend is going through a smiler situation. Her boyfriend is taking her for granted and they have been on and off for 4 years. But now she has decided to finally cut him out of her life. My point here is that- if a person doesn’t help you grow or they are pulling you down the same cycle that is when you know you have to end it. Yes, it’s going to hurt, yes, you will find yourself crying at the mere thought of that person. But hey, one day you will be alright. It’s okay to remove people from your life, if they are pulling you down. I hope you the strength to do the right thing. And L, keep smiling. πŸ˜πŸ˜…

    Liked by 1 person

  7. NOOOOO MY LIL BEAN YOU ARE BRILLANT AND I KNOW YOU MIGHT FEEL LIKE THIS IS VERY BAD BUT OVERALL IT JUST SHOWS THAT YOU ARE A GOOD AND HOPEFUL PERSON AND EVEN IF IT ISN’T TURNING OUT WELL IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT AND YOU ARE FABULOUS OK

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s great to know that I’m not alone. You’re right: time and experience teach a lot. I’m awful at recognising if I’m being pushed around, but maybe this is one of those times. X

      Liked by 1 person

  8. I would’ve been really pissed off with them and give them no more chances but maybe that’s just me being my bitchy self because of my past experiences.

    God, sorry, this is such a pointless crappy comment. Sorry.

    I think just do what your heart feels right and if you do end up forgiving them make them work for your friendship because that’s how you know they care.

    Ugh I’m gonna regret pressing send but yeah *reluctantly pushed the send button cringing*

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Okay, haha, I’m glad I’m definitely (you think) right, I hope it all works out in the best way possible for you anyway though πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

  9. I am absolutely in love with Lauren’s album it is so good, what are your favourite songs? Mine is probably How Would You Like It.
    I definitely know what you mean about forgiveness, sometimes I feel like I’m too willing with second chances because I really don’t want my relationships to suffer. We really shouldn’t have to put up with this anymore. Hopefully you can work through this and we’re all here for you till you do! πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I completely agree: we shouldn’t have to go through this. Friendships are meant to be positive, and the moment they’re not, something is up.
      How Would You Like It is amazing, and I also love Way Too Good, Fools, Suddenly Strangers, and Midnight Mouths. Kicks is also fabulous ahhh her album is way too good (pun!)

      Liked by 1 person

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