I’d just like to start this post with a quick note: Lauren aquiline’s album, Isn’t It Strange, which was released last Friday is AMAZING! Her voice is just one part to the picture; her relatable song lyrics and brilliant instruments are such key parts of the music too. If you haven’t checked Lauren out on YouTube yet, I suggest you do so
Now, back to my main post…
One of my primary flaws is forgiveness. Most people see forgiveness as a positive: the ability to see past people’s ‘mistakes’, and giving them second chances. After all, we all make mistakes, and accidentally stray from the track sometimes, and how would you like it if you had done just that? I believe in second chances, although this hasn’t always been true. Rewind two years, and you’ll find self-important L, sitting in his room, refusing to pick up the phone to someone who had done one slight thing wrong several minutes before. Yeah, I was a bitch.
These days, it takes a lot more for me not to forgive someone; I know how it feels to be pushed out into the cold for doing just one thing wrong, for making just one small mistake. On the whole, I’ve never regretted giving people second chances, because what they did was genuinely a mistake, and they had no intention of hurting me.
Other times, forgiveness is not such a good idea.
Why am I stuck in this vicious cycle? There is one person who did one thing wrong, and although that thing was pretty significant [fine, very significant], I somewhat forgave them some months later. I needed the time and space to think about what they’d done, and frankly, I didn’t want them around for that. Our friendship was nothing like what it had been, but I like to think we were on amicable terms, which was sufficient for me.
Just a few months later, however, something else happens. Luckily, I have a small group of amazing friends who always tell me if there’s stuff going on involving me behind my back, and again they told me this. The instigator? Yup, you guessed it – that same person.
Do I forgive him?
Yes, of course I do; haven’t you figured out how gullible I am?
… And then it happens again.
How many second chances can you give? How many times does someone have to do you wrong before you begin to question whether it’s genuinely a mistake or not? How many times does someone have to betray my trust before I can find the strength to let go?
Second chances, after all, are supposed to be special, to mean something. Maybe this person is taking them for granted – I wouldn’t doubt it. They clearly know – or rather, think they know – that whatever they do to me, however many scars they leave, I’ll let them back in, because I’m too forgiving.
I need to stop.
what would you do?