I’ve had a lot on my mind recently, with very little opportunity to express myself: time has, quite simply, illuded me. even now, it’s creeping towards 1am, and I just can’t sleep; the amount of thoughts swirling around and around in my mind has reached some kind of climax, and I just need to sit down and think things over.
Blogging has the strange but comforting ability to calm me down, somehow, even if I wasn’t previously aware that I was anything but calm, although in this case I know all too well that I’m worked up over loads of different things. So, as I sit here in the dead of night, the sharp, very real nighttime breeze focussed on the side of my bare neck, I have decided to write a blog post, to talk about something that has caused me no end of thinking over recent days.
We’re all growing up. Day by day, week by week, we learn and we develop, adapting to and dealing with new, unique situations which we’re unfamiliar with. ‘Grown-ups’ have not finished growing: no one ever finishes growing until they move on to a better place, and even then their actions, words and thoughts can be analysed and remembered, new parts of an individual discovered, despite having been there all along.
Regardless, we’re all growing as individuals, and while this is almost unarguably a positive, there are undoubtedly some negatives to this process, as [however cynical it may seem], whilst every cloud has a silver lining, every silver lining has its own cloud. Growing up is painful, both physically, mentally and emotionally, and it’s hard to get a proper grip on life during the years during which the transition from child to adult takes place.
Growing pains are the negatives to growing up: the harder parts, the parts that are difficult to come to terms with.
A key growing pain which I really want to discuss – to get it off of my chest, if nothing else – is friendship. During teenage years, as i’m currently expierencing, friendships suddenly become a whole lot more complicated. It’s only natural that we all change as people, and although we may not realise it in ourselves, we can use the little things that we do notice changing to see that we are developing as people. Even something like music tastes, or book genre preferences can tell us a heck of a lot about how we are feeling at one particular stage of our lives.
Consequently, with these changes come changes in friendships and friendship groups. You make friends based partially on common interests and personality traits, and as they change, it’s only to be expected that your friends may change too. What no one can prepare you for is the utter confusion and pain that a change in friends causes: sleepless nights, late-night emotional text conversations, and more than anything else, confusion.
Oh, how much easier it is to simply place your hands over your eyes and pretend that everything’s better – that you’re not falling, falling, falling away from childhood friends, that you’re not changing, that nothing will ever change and you’ll always be 10-year-old you and that’s absolutely ideal. But it’s simply not true, because we’re all changing, and however hard it is to accept, you are going to have to if you want to have better long-term results.
I don’t want to say goodbye to the people who I’ve trusted, laughed with and cried with for all of my life.
… But maybe I don’t have to. Maybe, rather than saying goodbye to old friends, our friendship can change, like I am – like we are. Is it that easy? Can I just push on through this endless labrynth of life, changing but, somehow, staying the same?
I know this has been slightly confused: I hope it ameks some sense. what do you think about all of this?