There are lots of people.
Lots and lots of people.
Many people are nice, kind, and very, very mature – hello to you! Then, there are others who, quite frankly, are a pain in the bloody arsehole, and this is the post in which I shall express my frustration at these individuals. Let us together uprise against irritating people.
Note: This blog post may be used as evidence to prove to an annoying person that they are, indeed, annoying, as annoying people often, annoyingly, have a habbit of not recognising that they are annoying, annoying everyone who is not annoying around them.
Extreme Annoyance #1: “Me three!”
those people: we all know them. Someone, usually me [not gonna lie], expresses a revolutionary, thought-provoking idea which I am willing to share with a small group of individuals. After expressing a thought, someone will say, “me too”, because my ideas and thought are always so amazing that people just agree; that’s just the way I am, y’know?
And then extreme annoyance, or another person if you like, steps in. “Me three!” they will exclaim, to a stoney silence.
You don’t say “me three”. That implies that you think that “me too” is spelt like “me two”, and it’s not, and everyone should know that, and if you don’t you’re just stupid, and stupidity is a sin against humanity, and humanity’s alright I guess. Seriously, by saying “me three”, you’re just filling every English teacher across the globe with a firey rage that burns deep inside their souls, and I’m not even an English teacher and I feel this pain. I feel it.
UGH UGH UGH
Extreme annoyance #2: Pen-Clicking Exam-Takers
Seriously, you’re annoying idiots. If you’re that person who finishes a test 20 minutes before literally everyone else in the class and then persists to click your pen, tap your fingernails on the desk, breathe loudly, click your tongue, tap your foot or any other irritating habbit, stop. Please, just stop.
It’s so distracting, and causes everyone in earshot, or in other words the entire population of the classroom [does that even make sense?], to want to throttle you, slowly, causing you as much pain as it is possible to cause. Ironically, we are all contemplating the best way to torture you using your pen, just to ensure that it too receives an equal punishment to your own.
If you are stuck for ideas of what to do at the end of an exam, let me assist you with that, by offering you some suggestions:
Read through your work, correcting any mistakes, changing sentence structures and the contents of sentences to include more ambitious punctuation and vocabulary
Make up a story using only the first words of your test’s sentences
Have a staring contest with the teacher/invidulator, and see if they notice
extreme Annoyance #3: Slow Escalator Walkers
Here in the UK, there are a lot of escalators [moving staircases], especially here in London, on the London Underground network, or the tube. we have a stand-right policy, which dictates that people wishing to stand still on the escalator should
“stand on the right and hold on tight”
consequently allowing people who wish to actively walk up the moving staircase [to get somewhere at double the normal speed] to walk on the left.
If you’re going to walk slowly up an escalator, just don’t walk at all, and stand on the right. No one – and I mean no one – likes someone who walks slowly on the side of the escalator specifically designated for people in a rush. You are causing a build up of busy, impatient and annoyed commuters/passengers behind you, and sooner or later you’re going to be the primary cause of a health & safety disaster.
extreme Annoyance #4: People Who Don’t Like me