I hope you’re all having fantastic days, evenings, nights, parallel universes… You know, they’re all the same really.
I thought today’s post would tackle the top student problems – those things that we all, as students, are so familiar with and cannot wait for them to stop happening. We all have them, and many of them are common from student to student, so here you are: my top #StudentProbs, and my views on said problems.
You Know You’re A Student When…
#1. The excuse “My homework drowned in a sea of paper” seems like a genuinely usable excuse
I mean, c’mon, it’s true. That mix of extreme tiredness, mild insanity and an overwhelming workload do nothing but send you over the edge, i.e slightly mad. You start considering ways to make this excuse more realistic, by convincing yourself [and as you do it aloud, anyone in the near vicinity] that yes, paper does indeed need to breathe, and regardless, paper has rights, because after all, they’re essentially trees and trees are plants and plants are alive, and all living things have rights, right?
This excuse only falls down when you’re stood shiftily in front of the teacher’s desk, hands in pockets, desperately trying to remember how you managed to justify paper drowning in paper. suddenly, you realise that when you were sat cross-legged on your bedroom floor [stereotypical student pose] between a mountain of paper and your bed, getting into said bed was not the right choice after all.
#2. You’re still singing along to a song that you put on 45 mins ago, even though it ended 41-42 mins ago
It’s a little bit like an audio illusion, when you suddenly realise that although you’ve tackled the corus and have dived straight into the cool[ish] rap bit, and are feeling fairly proud of yourself for knowing all of the words, the song actually isn’t playing any more, and you’re singing unaccompanied. Usually, you don’t realise this, and your head and ears are still telling you that the track definitely hasn’t ended, honestly, seriously…
and then there’s the issue of stopping. You’ve been singing loud enough that your entire family have been able to hear you [despite you not noticing this beforehand], and so just stopping would seem suspicious. besides, you couldn’t just stop – what if your parents were just getting into da beat? So you plough on regardless, and hope that a suitable pause in the lyrics presents itself in due course. When it doesn’t, you suddenly feel the need to say “let’s just look at this chemical equation”, or other such homework-related phrases at the same volume as you’ve been singing, just in case someone is interested.
#3. Food No Longer Needs to Taste Nice
Really, c’mon – you’re not going to notice anyway, are you? Food goes from something to be enjoyed to merely something that interrupts the creative flow [who am I kidding?] between your brain and that homework sheet for English due first thing tomorrow. Suddenly, the idea of cucumber and ketchup actually sounds OK, because they’re both kept in the fridge [minimum time spent preparing], they’re both cold [meaning there is no hurry to eat it], and they’re both healthy. Well, ketchup has tomato in it, and cucumber is, uh, cucumber, right?
takeaway pizza, however, suddenly becomes the one unhealthy thing that you will NEVER eat, for the simple fact that it’s bloody expensive, isn’t it? It’s a bit of brad-like stuff with some sloppy stuff on top, and they charge upwards of £10 for it? Rip-off, if you ask me. a much better alternative, aside from budget store frozen pizza, is DIY pizza. You can heat up pizza bases [available from any decent supermarket], or even toast some bread if it’s too much effort to purchase pizza bases. tomato sauce [not ketchup, but the stuff people use in jazzy pasta sauces] works well as like a glue [they use it in pizzas too], and then you can add ham, chicken, pineapple, vegetables…
Oh, you’re a student? Right, so, vegetables tre these things that grown-ups eat, and they’re meant to be good for you. They give you vitimins and minerals and shit… Yeah, the things in the biology textbook, yup.
and so there you have it – my top 3 #Studentprobs. I hope you liked them; do let me know what you thought in the comments below. Maybe yu have some other #studentProbs not listed here? Put them below, or tweet them to me using that hashtag and my twitter username, @CWarned