Thoughtful

As I sit here, sipping at my confusingly-named latte, which likely translates to “it’s a bloody normal latte, get over it”, I can’t help but be thoughtful. It’s hard not to: it’s late evening, I have some slow music on, I have a hot cup of coffee – it’s the perfect scene.
In books, characters always have really reflective scenes, where they look back on the recent happenings in their life, and then analyse them. Personally, these kind of moments just don’t present themselves to me: there’s too much work to do, stress to feel, people to talk to, in case they think I’m ignoring them. but maybe now, on my blog, I could have one of those reflective moments.
That sounds good.

Recently, I’ve had a lot of friends spread a lot of rumours about me – unpleasant, hurtful rumours. It made me feel hurt, damaged, broken inside, and I felt alone. I trusted them; I don’t just mean the person who spread the rumours, but also the people who believed them. With all my heart, I thought that some people were better than that – thought that I was better than that. Initially, I was angry: angry at the initiator of the rumours, angry at the people who believed them, angry at myself for knowing that some of those rumours were true. they were nothing to be ashamed of, come to think of it – they weren’t anything to be rpoud of, no, but they weren’t anything to be ashamed of. But after the initial anger, I was sad. Just an overwhelming feeling of sadness, which swept its way through my body, destroying any hope or happiness I had by washing up painful memories, text messages and words which spun round and round my head.
But now, in the aftermath of everything, I have realised that I’ve got to let go. I’m not forgiving those people – I’m lots of things, but a pushover is not one of them, and although I’m generally a very forgiving person, this is one thing that is too much to come back from. At least, for now it is. Maybe in the future, we’ll all look back on this and laugh together, but now isn’t the time.
No, I need to let go. I need to let go of myself. I’ve felt like I’ve been locked up in a cage, but a cage which no one is responsible for constructing apart from myself. It’s time for me to unlock that cage, and fly above this. I’m over this, and I’m going to make sure that everyone knows.
I always think it’s good to try and find something within a bad experience which is positive; it gives everything a sense of meaning, and purpose. It really hasn’t taken much thinking to work out what I’ve learnt from this, and I think that it’s perhaps the most important piece of knowledge that anyone can own: I know who my friends are.

There have been more ovviously positive things going on recently, though, and things that I’m really proud of myself for – I have no shame in being openly proud of myself for something in which I feel I’ve done well in. I’ve been approached by the school magazine to write several articles for the annual edition, which makes me feel so honoured. IN reality, I’m not all that interested in representing my school; it’s just never appealed to me, because I already participate in so much outside of school. Plus, however big-headed it sounds, I always get a little concerned that if I ‘succeed’ – pass exams, dive into extra-curricular activities, and so on – that my school will use me as a success story for how brilliant their support for visually impaired students is. There’s no doubt that it has been pretty good, aside from a few expected bumps along the way, but I don’t hold my school responsivle for the person I am today; that credit goes to my family, friends, and other groups.
Regardless, being asked to write for the school magazine is something different. I’ve always been enthusiastic about English, and I love to write, and so I guess having the passion recognised feels really good to me, because it gives me opportunities to take part in new things and, frankly, show off what I can do. that sounds awful, but I really don’t care, because it’s true.

Finally, just today, I found out that I’ve been approached by an organisation who is arranging a weekend for the parents of children who have recently become visually impaired. This is not the first of these weekends that they’ve done, and at the last one I was invited along to do a presentation on accessible technology and to answer questions from parents. The email I received today has been offering me a slot for a similar presentation, plus a Q&A, although I think this is generally for the whole weekend, for parents to ask questions to an older blind child who has gone through many of the things that they will soon have to. in the email, I was called a ‘roll model’, and it was basically a massive ego boost. Again, that sounds awful, but it’s nice to read things like that once in a while.
the fact that I’ve been invited again makes me so pleased. It brought a smile to my face, because I’m being offered the chance to share my experiences, thoughts and advice with others, and am helping someone. That means so much to me – helping people. I’m super excited to go again, and I just really want to show parents that having a visual impairment is not the end of the road for a child; there are no doors closed to them.

As I’ve now finished my latte, my album is coming to an end and Biology homework calls, I shall stop here. I think this has acutally really helped me; it’s so important to reflect on both the good and the bad things, to find the positive in the bad things and to [occasionally] congratulate yourself on the achievements. Plus, it’s sometimes nice to catch you guys up with what’s going on in my real life, so there you have it.

I hope you enjoyed this – I loved writing it!

L XX

Advertisements

19 thoughts on “Thoughtful

  1. I too think taking the time to reflect can be so refreshing for your mind. I’m always “too busy” with other things, but truly, it’s not impossible to find time for it once in a while xx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. you’re doing the right thing by letting go, you know? It’s pretty obvious that these people have NO idea how blithering awesome you are.
    And whatever opportunities you’re getting, they are going t help SO MUCH and I’m so happy for you πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You write so fluently. I’m sad to hear about those “friends” but I’m also happy for the good things in your life. People might spread stuff about you but that’s just because they’re jealous; it’s been scientifically proven hehe… πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Those bitches. I hope it gets sorted out soon but I’m glad you’re taking a stand. Show ’em. I could never do that. I’m such a pushover and will run back to anyone even if they treat me like shit which isn’t a rare occurence. I wish I had that determination, but I’m weak. I hope at least you still have true friends who didn’t participate in this fuckery and stood bye you (if not, call me up fam and I’ll come rushing to London to slap em hoes silly) (seriously tho if I knew you irl I feel we’d be great friends)
    I’m so happy for all the good things coming your way! You go gurl. You should print ‘Role Mod-L’ tshirts. You know, market yourself and get dat promo.

    Liked by 1 person

Something to Say?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s