Pushed

Since when was it OK?
Since when was it OK to push me around, to make me your puppet?
Since when was it Ok for you to control me, my life, my friends?
Since when was it OK for you to threaten me because of my own choices?

They pushed me.
“don’t talk to them or I won’t be your friend.”
“Don’t talk about that or I won’t be your friend.”
“Don’t go out – stay in and talk to me or I won’t be your friend.”
This isn’t acceptable any more. I have someone who is doing this to me, and it’s not OK. You can’t tell me what to do, who to talk to, where to go. Just because you think I’ll listen to you, means you think you can manipulate me – whether obviously or not – to sculpt my friendship groups, habbits and day plans. You threaten me with not being my friend any more – it already seems that way to me.

But the worst bit is, I haven’t said anything. I have a, frankly, unhealthy fear of confrontation, and I will do anything, ignore anything, to avoid even the smallest of confrontations. I’d rather put myself under pressure, stress and social strains to keep everyone around me happy, and consider how I feel later on. It’s easier that way, I find.

I have a friend – a term I use loosely – who is angry. Angry at me, I guess, because I am not doing precisely what they think I should. Recently, I’ve decided to talk to someone who they’ve had a major falling out with over something which, unfortunately, I was dragged into. This friend doesn’t like that I’m talking to someone who they hate, and they are, essentially, threatening me to attempt to get me to stop. Just because they have an issue with one person, they feel that I should stop talking to them too. I don’t know why; maybe it’s to ensure that they don’t try and persuade me that their side of the afore-mentioned argument was the right one, or maybe it’s to try and cut this person off from any friends, making them lonely and isolated.
I will not give in. This is my friend, and if someone else wants to say a word against them, I will stand up and fight with them. Just because the controlling ‘friend’ thinks that I class them as a friend, doesn’t mean that things can’t change – quickly. I just wish I had the confidence to say something, loudly, to everyone who can hear me. I wish I could tell him, and everyone around him, what he truly is.

This person knows how to get to me. I play a sport, and as it’s quite a small sport, the community of players is quite small and therefore rumours spread fast. Before I knew it, rumours about me were flying around from mouth to mouth, person to person, club to club. They weren’t nice things, either. I had to take a break, because I couldn’t face some people.
That was his fault. He was the one to cut me off from the sport and people who I loe, and he didn’t even have the bravery to say sorry. not just one word – one text, even, to say sorry.

Maybe you have a friend like this – I don’t know. but please, don’t let them push you around. You’re your own person, and you’re perfect – if nothing else, that is true. You’re perfect making your own choices, with your own friends – friends who care, listen to and talk to you. None of you – not one – deserve to be pushed around, so please please please don’t stand for it. It takes so much confidence to stand up to someone, and I can’t talk, because I’m still trying to find that confidence myself. But I know in my heart and in my head that what he’s doing to me isn’t right, and if you have someone like this, you know too that is isn’t right.

Since when was it OK?
Since when was it OK to be pushed around?
Since when was it OK to be controlled?
Since when was it OK to be bullied?

L XX

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24 thoughts on “Pushed

  1. People are so one-sided sometimes. I wish everyone could understand everything, whether it be pain, happiness, emptiness. You know that when a friend does that to you, thinking she can manipulate you with the threat of ending your friendship with her, she is no longer a friend. Maybe she never was.
    I hope you find the confidence you need, L.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree. If everyone could fully comprehend their friends’ emotions, I wonder if there would be less bullying, if bullies understood the full impact of their actions on another. But then somehow, they manage to psychologically manipulate you into thinking that it’s all your fault and although I recognise that it’s not, it’s still hard to speak up. Thanks for the advice.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Ugh, I used to have a friend like this. She was always trying to dictate who I was with and it seemed like whenever I would spend time with someone else for a while, she’d “dump” me. Eventually I told her, after she “dumped” me three times, that I didn’t want to be friends with her. I think you should get rid of this friend immediately, they don’t deserve to have someone they think they can pick on.
    -Dani

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s good to hear that I’m not the only person who knows someone like this. That friend sounds horrible – you did the right thing. You deserve better friends xxx

      Liked by 1 person

  3. gosh this is horrible. you’re doing NOTHING wrong by simply talking to someone, and your ‘friend’ has no right to choose who you can interact with.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hey, don’t let this so called friend get to you. You do what you think is right not what someone else asks you to. We all here are so proud of you. 😁

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Hey it won’t be the right thing if it was easy right. You are strong. Stronger than you think. Also have an amazing day. 😄

        Liked by 1 person

  5. I can really relate to this. My ‘friend’ was very similar. Anytime I would do something she didn’t like, she would have a go at me and even became aggressive. Sometimes it wasn’t even me that would do something and she would still be mad at me rather than them. Some friends seem to think they need to show they are in control, although I don’t know why.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Hi! I just found your blog and this was the first post I read and I can’t believe it, the exact same thing happened to me, I was talking to a guy a friend disliked and she made me stop-she even got her boyfriend into it. Long story short, I still feel bad about having to ignore the guy, and haven’t felt the same about my friend since then. That wasn’t the first time unfortunately but I haven’t said a thing. She moved but she’s coming back and I’m dreading she’ll push me into something I’ll be uncomfortable doing and have a panic attack. This post helped though, thank you! for sharing!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Just stand your ground. I know it’s hard, but remember that know one can make you do anything. I’m glad this helped, and I look forward to checking out your blog

      Like

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