Oh dear, yet another of L’s late-night posts – this can’t end well, can it?
I’m sure that some of you will have a boyfriend or girlfriend, who you love and enjoy talking to and spending time with. Personally, I don’t, and [believe it or not], I’m just fine with that, thank you very much. However, I have been in a relationship before now, and therefore I appreciate how it feels to have a girlfriend/boyfriend. I appreciate that there’s a lot of responsibility, for want of a better word, and a desire to keep each other happy, safe and smiling.
Two of my friends have recently begun a relationship, and I couldn’t be happier for them. No, really – that sounded bitter, but I genuinely am really happy for them: they both deserve better than what they’ve had in the past, and I truly believe that they have found that in each other. All I want for them both is happiness, friendship and hope, and if that’s what they’ve got, then i’m all for it.
Maybe this sounds really selfish but to hell with that: I said I was going to be honest on this blog, and so honest I shall be. Being in a relationship, they have fairly constant and frequent contact, and that’s fine – it’s normal, to be expected. Hell, if they make each other happy, I’m all for them having a 24/7 phone link, so long as it makes them smile. However, this one thing really annoys me, and I don’t know if it’s normal or me being selfish and cruel.
Recently, I’ve had a lot of times where I’ve just been low: some of the worser ones have been documented on this blog, but not all of them. I’m sure you know the kind of times I mean: you feel down for a couple of hours at most, and the last thing you want or need is to be left alone to your own thoughts. It’s in times like these where I phone one of a select few friends, one of whom is one pat of this relationship.
Several times now, I’ve phoned this one friend, who will listen to what I have to say, who will do their best to help me – I’ve cried in front of them at least once. Despite this, there has been several occasions now when I’ve been in a really low mood, really miserable and depressed, and this person’s girlfriend/boyfriend [to protect identity] has called them. And each and every time, they’ve immediately cut me off, told me they HAVE to go and have hung up.
I don’t know if this is just me being self-centred and selfish, or if I have a valid right to moan. Personally, I just feel that although a relationship is important both for the sake of it being a relationship and for the happiness and wellbeing of all involved, friendship should not suddenly be devalue. Perhaps some people think that they can rely upon having one friend – their girlfriend/boyfriend – and every other friend is automatically less significant than before.
I’m aware that one or even both of the people in the relationship to which I’m referring to may read this very post, and I’m fine with that. Although I strongly dislike confrontation, I don’t believe in hiding feelings and emotions behind brave faces, and although I probably wouldn’t say this to either of my two friends’ faces, I still think that they have the right to know how I feel. Obviously, it’s up to them whether they take any notice of how I feel – I can’t force them to listen to their needy friend. But really, if you’re reading this: please, just consider what I’m saying before you move on…
What do you think? Am I being selfish, or am I well within my rights to expect a friendship to remain unchanged after the beginning of a relationship? Seriously, tell me what you think: it wouldn’t be the first time that I’ve overjudged my rights and over-expected from friends.