That’s Not OK

Oh dear, yet another of L’s late-night posts – this can’t end well, can it?

I’m sure that some of you will have a boyfriend or girlfriend, who you love and enjoy talking to and spending time with. Personally, I don’t, and [believe it or not], I’m just fine with that, thank you very much. However, I have been in a relationship before now, and therefore I appreciate how it feels to have a girlfriend/boyfriend. I appreciate that there’s a lot of responsibility, for want of a better word, and a desire to keep each other happy, safe and smiling.

Two of my friends have recently begun a relationship, and I couldn’t be happier for them. No, really – that sounded bitter, but I genuinely am really happy for them: they both deserve better than what they’ve had in the past, and I truly believe that they have found that in each other. All I want for them both is happiness, friendship and hope, and if that’s what they’ve got, then i’m all for it.

Maybe this sounds really selfish but to hell with that: I said I was going to be honest on this blog, and so honest I shall be. Being in a relationship, they have fairly constant and frequent contact, and that’s fine – it’s normal, to be expected. Hell, if they make each other happy, I’m all for them having a 24/7 phone link, so long as it makes them smile. However, this one thing really annoys me, and I don’t know if it’s normal or me being selfish and cruel.
Recently, I’ve had a lot of times where I’ve just been low: some of the worser ones have been documented on this blog, but not all of them. I’m sure you know the kind of times I mean: you feel down for a couple of hours at most, and the last thing you want or need is to be left alone to your own thoughts. It’s in times like these where I phone one of a select few friends, one of whom is one pat of this relationship.
Several times now, I’ve phoned this one friend, who will listen to what I have to say, who will do their best to help me – I’ve cried in front of them at least once. Despite this, there has been several occasions now when I’ve been in a really low mood, really miserable and depressed, and this person’s girlfriend/boyfriend [to protect identity] has called them. And each and every time, they’ve immediately cut me off, told me they HAVE to go and have hung up.
I don’t know if this is just me being self-centred and selfish, or if I have a valid right to moan. Personally, I just feel that although a relationship is important both for the sake of it being a relationship and for the happiness and wellbeing of all involved, friendship should not suddenly be devalue. Perhaps some people think that they can rely upon having one friend – their girlfriend/boyfriend – and every other friend is automatically less significant than before.

I’m aware that one or even both of the people in the relationship to which I’m referring to may read this very post, and I’m fine with that. Although I strongly dislike confrontation, I don’t believe in hiding feelings and emotions behind brave faces, and although I probably wouldn’t say this to either of my two friends’ faces, I still think that they have the right to know how I feel. Obviously, it’s up to them whether they take any notice of how I feel – I can’t force them to listen to their needy friend. But really, if you’re reading this: please, just consider what I’m saying before you move on…

What do you think? Am I being selfish, or am I well within my rights to expect a friendship to remain unchanged after the beginning of a relationship? Seriously, tell me what you think: it wouldn’t be the first time that I’ve overjudged my rights and over-expected from friends.

L XX

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35 thoughts on “That’s Not OK

  1. If your friend is actually YOUR friend than no matter what he/she should talk to you, a relationship will last 5 minutes but a friendship lasts way more. If he/she isn’t giving you her/his time then why on earth should you give his/hers.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. How would you upset them? That is the way you feel, it is not really fair that when you needed them they would just shut you off like that.

        I suggest talking to them, if I was them I would completely understand

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I think that what you feel and are saying is right. Even if your friend is in a relationship, they should still give their time for you, since they are your friend, and should stick by you.
    Yes, your relationship with a person is important, but you also have to add in that your friendships mean no less than that as well.
    I don’t think at all that you are over expecting from your friends.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You are NOT selfish or cruel! Friendship lasts for a lifetime. Relationships? Rarely. If they are really your friend, they should prioritize you before their partner. Its completely normal to feel cross and upset. Dont worry! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I understand that. I think if he/she is truly a friend of yours, she should make time even he/she has a relationship with others and yes, I agree that even though she/he has a relationship, she/he should not devalue the friendship she/he had with you. And you’re not selfish, c’mon!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I’ve watched a lot of movies, and I’ve read a lot of books which narrated the same thing you’re experiencing right now. Well, first… it’s normal. To be affected if your very close friend has found a significant other, and he/she forgets about you (a bit). But maybe your friend doesn’t mean it. Your friend might not realize what has happened already. (Given the fact that they are busy catching up on the new ‘spark’..you know…) So it’s better to really communicate it to him/her. In the end, you need not to worry. Because if your friend is really a “true friend”, he/she will do the right actions. Cheer up! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I’d say – and this isn’t from personal experience so don’t quote me on it – that, whilst it is great that your friends are in this relationship, they shouldn’t cut off their friends. Friends are always important, and they never know; if they ignore friends and something goes wrong in the relationship they may have no one left to talk to (not that I’d think you’d really do that, but there isn’t a lot stopping you). You’re not being selfish; your friends should really care about how you feel because that’s what friends do. However, with any luck this’ll settle down after a little while, as if they’ve JUST got into the relationship there might be a sense that they have to talk to each other every day (again, don’t know from experience, haha).
    I really hope this all settled down eventually, but know that you have us guys on the blog that you can talk to if you can and if need be!
    Elly 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  7. You have the right to moan, seriously real friends wouldn’t cut you off if they really knew you they’d know you needed someone, so chill L, they’ll figure it out soon enough, if not, then fudge em, my motto from now on 🙂 You deserve better. *hugs*

    Liked by 1 person

  8. NO – you’re perfectly in your right, in more than your right, to want a friendship to stay the same. In fact, it SHOULD stay the same. Have a chat to the people in question, I’d say, and just tell them how you feel. You don’t deserve to be pushed aside.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. You’re not being self-centered and selfish, trust me on that. People shouldn’t neglect a friend just for their boyfriend/girlfriend. I understand that relationships are important, but I also understand that friendships are important as well. I have a friend who is in a relationship and she agreed that she wouldn’t spend so much time with him that she would end up neglecting her friends. She said that if she ever became too absorbed in her relationship, she would want us to be able to tell her. Back to the point, your friend shouldn’t cut you off just so he/she can talk to their significant other. You’re just as important. You have a right to be upset, it’s simply rude to cut anyone off for someone else.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. You are NOT being selfish at all. I think friendship should come before any romantic relationship because friendships are true and (mostly) last longer . And when you’re out of the relationship, it’s the friends you come to to cry . Therefore, if your ‘friend’ devalues your friendship, then i guess they should sort out their priorities…
    I’m sorry, I think that could’ve been a little too harsh…

    Liked by 1 person

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