There’s a storm outside. It’s a big storm. My bedroom window is open, and the wind is tickling my bare neck, the odd drop of rain landing silently, subtly, on my skin. I do nothing to retaliate with nature: what’s the point?
I’m turning off my phone. I never turn off my phone – not even at night. but I am now. Just for a few days, maybe, a week at most, probably.
The wind is still creeping across the back of my neck.
A lot of people are talking. They’re talking about me, and it’s not all complimentary. I’m a “weirdo”, a “bisexual creep”, an “attention seeker”, with friends who are only my friends because they “pity me”, because they feel “sorry” for the “poor loner”.
It’s still raining.
Some of it’s nice – of course it is. The radio & TV whirlwind has started a lot of discussion – too much for my liking. I’m suddenly the topic of conversation, the subject of people’s sentences. But not even all that is positive, because of course I’m just on the TV & radio because i’m blind, not by my own merit.
There was just lightning:
too many people saying too many things have caused me to go offline. My phone is actually still on, which some may call cheating. But thenn, if that’s cheating, what kind of twisted, wharped game are we all playing? No, it’s on airplane mode, because I love my Kindle app too much, if anything. I just want to escape from people, to spend time on my own, without the harsh judgements and constant background noise which is others’ words.
The wind is picking up a little now, forceful rather than gentle.
Honestly, I don’t know how long my phone is going to stay off. Maybe a day, a matter of days, a week… I just don’t know, and frankly, I don’t want to know. I’ll know when it’s time to switch it back on again: when I’m ready to face the world again. because right now, I want to hide my face and breathe freely.
My blog will stay online, as usual, although I’ll only be replying to comments, reading posts and such like on my laptop, so comment replies may be a little slower than normal. I guess keeping my blog alive isn’t so much of a challenge, because here I’m anonymous. I speak my mind, my thoughts, and so really, there’s nothing to escape from here. If only the real world was just as easy. If only I could go out, my face covered, my identity erased overnight, a fresh slate before me. But no – no, I know that’s impossible.