Things have been getting way too serious over here on this blog. Considering that this blog is meant to be an accurate representation of yurs truly, I feel I owe you an apology:
I’ve been lying. No, calm down – technically, I’ve been speaking the truth. But it’s been so serious, and that’s just so not me [slipping into my American teenage girl persona again]. This blog has not been the proper representation of me; the fun, exciteable and naturally-high me. For that, I can only offer my sincere apology, and hope that you will return to my blog in the future if you need something [well, someone] to laugh at.
Hang on, the voices told me to write that last bit… Who are you going to laugh at? who are you going to laugh at? who are you going – oh you’re going to laugh at me.
You may have noticed that I’ve made a huge blog-life decision. After much deliberation, I’ve opted to drop
from the top of each post. I’ve decided that it was so uniform that the message of
was getting too impersonal.
If you don’t live in Britain, you likely haven’t heard of the person who I’m about to talk about.
… Which is good, as I’m bringing you exclusive people …
*OK, that now sounds wrong.*
Katherine Ryan is a “British comedian”, although she’s originally from Canada, and therefore has a Canadian accent. She’s lived in Britain for a decade now, and is genuinely one of my favourite comedians. I’ve seen her on a lot of TV comedy panel shows here in the UK, and last night heard her on one of the BBC radio 1 podcasts [as she’d done an interview on the Greg James show during the weke]. I decided to look her up, to see if ther were any of her live shows on YouTube. I ended up on Audible, with her Glam Role Model live show in my basket. i’m finishing listening to it now and it’s genuinely the funniest [and probably the rudest] comedy show I’ve ever heard in my life! Even if you can’t get hold of this particular tour, look her up on YouTube; you won’t regret it, promise.
Now, onto my life crisis. Yes, I am having a crisis…
On Saturday, I was at
house for the day. Being the posh person she is [hush, I said nothing], she drinks Earl grey tea. I mean, she drinks tea -taht’s OK, we’re British, it’s a given. but Early Grey…
For those who are unaware, Earl grey tea is very posh, very expensive and very nice tea. It smells amazing, tastes amazing and actually has some beneficial effects on health and wellbeing. Being the common muck I am, I’d never tried Earl Grey before Saturday, and so when I was offered it, I graciously accepted.
… And by that I mean I said: “Yeah, please” …
I enjoyed the tea so much [because it was bloody lovely] that when elm’s dad went out shopping, he brought me back some earl grey teabags, as a present. I like to think that it was a reward for being such a well-behaved child, but no one agrees.
Upon arriving home, I ran upstairs with my teabags, and hid them in a place where no one can find them. My family are obsessed with tea – again, we’re British, it’s a given -, ad so if they knew where my Earl Grey teabags were, I wouldn’t see them ever again. My mum probably drinks around 15 mugs of tea a day [give or take], and so my teabags would be gone before I could say:
“Get your hands off of my expensive, posh, healthy teabags!”
But now, my crisis: I’m addicted. I have never drunk so much tea in my life, but this stuff is so good. However, as I mentioned previously, Earl Grey are very expensive teabags, and when I finish my gift-box, I’ll have to buy more. i’m in the kind of financial position where I can’t even afford to go to the toilet in a London train station [30p], let alone a box of posh teabags… What can I do?
|I decided to text my friend about this issue, and i’ll write the conversation that followed here:
Me [after four long texts of explanation]: That’s my crisis… [12:06 PM]
Me: Don’t ignore my crisis! [12:08 PM]
Friend: This is not a crisis, get over yourself. [12:14 PM]
Me: Well it is… I mean, I’m not in a financial position to afford these teabags, so i’ll have to go back to cheap shit, and that’d be like living in a grotty flat after living in Buckingham Palace… [12:16 PM]
Friend: [Sigh] [12:26 PM]
Me: It’s scary! [12:26 PM]
friend: It’s not [12:27 PM]
What have we learnt from this experience?
That my friend is really bad at answering texts, and should NOT be my no. 1 go-to in a crisis.
And on that note, have a lovely day!