How are you? I’m oK, just very tired, rather stressed and feeling extremely overworked; I think school work has finally caught up with me, but it’s the holidays starting Friday, so three and a half days to get through. I’m sure even I can do that…
Fact: This evening, I spent a good half an hour collecting rubbish from the different ‘rubbish deposit points’ in my room, and chucking them unceremoniously into a black bag.
Whilst I was trying not to touch any rubbish [ugh], and chucking it into a black bag, I imagined that the pieces of rubbish were parts of my personality, and the black bag like some kind of black hole for personal traits. I wondered, if I had to bin some of my less favourable characteristics, what would they be?
My first is most definitely stress. I get stressed about lots of things, including things that probably don’t need to be stressed over, but I stress over them anyway, because I’m a anxious wreck 99% of the time. Not only this, I put myself under an unreasonable amount of stress and pressure to get things done. Tonight, for example, I completed 5 hours worth of homework, some of which is not due in until the end of the week, or even the first week back in January. I knew that if I didn’t do it, I’d get stressed out and worried until I did do it, and that prospect worries and stresses me, so I did it.
Without sounding all big headed, look-at-me-aren’t-I-wonderful kind of thing, I think I care about others too much. I mean hey, it’s fabulous that I care about my friends, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love them all; I care about them and they care about me. But I think a lot of the time, I put the feelings and wellbeing of my friends [and even non-friends] ahead of my own emotional wellbeing and mental health. I will deprive myself of a lot of things, just so I can help my friends out, in whatever way I can. I’ll sacrifice anything for my friends, and whilst that’s honourable, I thin k that sometimes, I just need to take a step back and have some me time; visit a spa perhaps.
Note: I would NOT be the type of person you’d find in a spa. i’d be the person who:
A] gets their head stuck in the stupid head gap on those massage tables[?]
B] gets REALLY sick of the ‘100% natural, no added sugar, chemicals, salts, liquid…’ [100 missing items later], and have to run to the local Tesco for a Coke
C] is really bad at engaging in spa-appropriate conversation:
Posh Spa Visitor: “Oh, isn’t the grass-dew and sunflower water just superb, darling?”
Me: “No; I like a good Fanta myself, actually.”
Me: *Hides face in shame.*
Anyway, back to the bin-bag of me. I think that one of my flaws is accepting that I have weaknesses, and acknowledging what they are, and how I can make them better. I struggle, for example, to admit in school which subjects I’m bad at [while I’m writing this, I’m crap at Physics, Biology and Chemestry]. Everyone has flaws, and nobody’s flawless [just saying the same thing in two different ways makes you sound mucho sophisticato]. There’s not one person alive who isn’t bad at something, and I think I need to admit that I’m bad at things too. In the end, I’m only helping myself, because the first step to making things better is admitting that there’s a problem to begin with.
Due to point 3, where I’ve spoken about being bad at admitting my weaknesses, you may have gathered that this post has actually been pretty tough to write. I’ve sat here, deleting, rewriting, even discarding at one point, because I “didn’t want you guys to think I was attention seeking”, although I know that really, I was scared of posting this generally. I opted just to write: whatever came into my head, I’d write it down, so welcome to my mind. It’s a weird place, don’t you think?
What would your personality bin-bag contain? Maybe there’s something you wish you could get rid of about you, something you wish you could start over with.
Love You All, ALL 60 of you! I’m EXTREMELY excited about that number!!!!!