I know, i know that I only posted last night; I’ve made a decision on your behalf though. As last night’s post was relatively short, I’m going to write you a nice, long post this morning, to make up for it. DON’T YOU DARE SIGH AT ME; BE GRATEFUL!
This morning, I discovered a post, written by my good friend Elm. How childish and pathetic does “my good friend” sound? I’m sorry, but I had to use it; it’s the only way I can briefly but honestly sum Elm up, and I kknow she won’t mind, right Elm? Right? Uh-huh?
Anyway, this post was about missing the old days. It’s a great post, and I couldn’t help leaving a comment, in response to Elm’s closing question: “what do you miss?”
The comment I left made me think, and thinking for me usually concludes in a rather long, normally depressing blog post, for the enjoyment of you guys!
“I miss the old days, when life was easy, and there were no decisions, and messing up wasn’t even a possibility. I miss everything I had and have lost, and everything I could have had and lost sight of. I miss the people and the places, the dreams and fantasies. I miss the feeling of waking up, and feeling excitement for the day ahead. I miss a lot of things. I miss a lot of things that I shouldn’t miss, for one reason or another. I miss the world; a different world, although I suppose it never really changed. I miss me, and I did change, for better or for worse, I don’t, and likely never will, know. ”
Not going to lie, but I was quite proud of that comment; it was very deep. Yes, it was deep and couldprobably be comprehended in quite a lot of different ways, but the one thing i truly love about it is it’s honesty. there is absolutely nothing in that relatively [I’ve used that word twice now] short comment that isn’t true. It’s quite a reflective comment; reflective of the years that have passed me by, and the years that I call the present.
While writing the above comment, I began to think about who I really am. I know I talk about this indirectly a lot, but I wanted to write properly about it. It’s a question I’m sure we all ask ourselves at one point or another, and there isn’t really an answer to it. There are things to think about that link to the question; there are people to consult and writings to be read; in my case, there are playlists of music to look over, and conclusions to be made from them.
The last few years for me have changed me. I’ve been through my fair share of bad, dark and scary times, but i’ve had more than my fair share of wonderful times too. Of course, I’m more mature than i was three, four, five years ago, but if things hadn’t changed in that respect, I’d say that I am a lot tougher than I was before. I’ve experienced emotions that no teenager should have to experience, made worse by the lack of public awareness of conditions like depression, or general emotional instability.
My thoughts and feelings have changed, and I see people in different ways than I did before. People who are nice aren’t always nice. People who appear colder and more distant usually have a reason for it, and are likely more mature than others of their age.
Most importantly, the world has changed. Although, as I said above, I suppose the world never did change, merely my perspective of it. When you’re younger, things seem so much happier. Things don’t go wrong, because there’s always someone older, bigger, stronger and siser than you to fix things before they can slip out of control. Teenagers? We don’t have that guardian. We’re expected to fend for ourselves, to make our own decisions and to sort out our own problems. In the long run, that’s probably the best thing for us, but it can really change a person.
I know that this post has been a little jumpy, and I’m sorry about that. I hope that the general message of this post has still been clear to you. I also hope that this post has given you something to think about. What do you think about what I’ve written? any thoughts, additions or arguments? Let me know in the comments below [oooooooh, it rhymed!]